Stacey ran away!

I'm having problems with my children slipping away. A few days ago, my child said I didn't notice her enough, and I said, "whatever, I love all of you equally." Today I noticed she was missing! Then Berry said she ran away 2 days ago, so I went looking for her.

I searched far and wide, looking through the streets of Baltimore. I even asked the local gangsters if they had seen a little girl, but they hadn't.

After that, I flew all the way to China and then to Brazil. I finally found her in Iraq where they had given her a haircut and she was being trained to hunt and kill Americans.

I will never again neglect my child.

Berry's little girlfriend

My son Berry has a new girlfriend. Her name is Sally. They're cute because they call each other pet names like Bubba and cupcake. Aren't they adorable!

Kidnapped!

Tonight when I got back from working at the horseraces as a pooper-scooper, Berry came up to me and said that he was scared because a man in a van was there earlier that offered them candy and he took Lambert away! I knew I should have told them never to accept candy from strangers! Luckily Berry followed them to Skullcrusher Mountain so I knew where to go.

It was now 7:30 and dusk was settling. At the bottom of the mountain I saw a evil cackling leprachaun!

I followed him to a secret cave with a winding staircase. When I came to the top I met a man. He told me I'd come to the wrong place. I said, "you're wrong!" and shoved past him.

I then found Lambert and my other child in a cell and we escaped through a tunnel in the ground that led to a trash pit with giant snakes but we got out safely! Never more will I fail to fulfill my parenting duties! Now we're safe and no longer scared.

Arrghh!

Me and the kids went to eat at this nice restaurant, and who was there?? Arrghh, my ex-wife! The kids were excited to see their mom but it gets awkward every time we see each other, and her sister Melissa was there too!! Once in college before I met her sister, Melissa and I sort of had this fling but it wasn't too serious of course. Also her new lover was there-apparently he's a mormon who's trying to "flirt-to-convert" her. I'm glad to be home now sitting in the comfort of my computer.

Here's some of us dancing after eating:

Imaginary friends'

I took my kids to see the movie Inception, and they loved it!! especially the dream within a dream within a dream. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming here in this blog.

By the way, my kids are so creative! I found this picture and asked the other child what it was and she said that the orange one is her imaginary friend llama named Ivana, and Ivana's imaginary friend is the blue fuzzy one named Jake:

Mullet growth

I've been growing my hair out because I read this article in the newspaper, and I decided if we want to change the world we've really got to start with ourselves:

http://newnewsnet.byu.edu/story.cfm/30479

Here's a picture of Berry's new haircut as well

Doctor visit

Berry's a big eater, and this morning he was feeling particular unwell from last night's feast. It was supposed to be a crab feast but he ate EVERYTHING. He loves food! I told him last night that his stomach ache must have been because he was eating too fast and he needed to slow it down. Anyway, since he was still rolling around in pain this morning I took him to see the pediatrician:

Here's what they found:

See, I was right from the beginning! Berry has definitely got to slow down his eating.