Stacey ran away!

I'm having problems with my children slipping away. A few days ago, my child said I didn't notice her enough, and I said, "whatever, I love all of you equally." Today I noticed she was missing! Then Berry said she ran away 2 days ago, so I went looking for her.

I searched far and wide, looking through the streets of Baltimore. I even asked the local gangsters if they had seen a little girl, but they hadn't.

After that, I flew all the way to China and then to Brazil. I finally found her in Iraq where they had given her a haircut and she was being trained to hunt and kill Americans.

I will never again neglect my child.

Berry's little girlfriend

My son Berry has a new girlfriend. Her name is Sally. They're cute because they call each other pet names like Bubba and cupcake. Aren't they adorable!

Kidnapped!

Tonight when I got back from working at the horseraces as a pooper-scooper, Berry came up to me and said that he was scared because a man in a van was there earlier that offered them candy and he took Lambert away! I knew I should have told them never to accept candy from strangers! Luckily Berry followed them to Skullcrusher Mountain so I knew where to go.

It was now 7:30 and dusk was settling. At the bottom of the mountain I saw a evil cackling leprachaun!

I followed him to a secret cave with a winding staircase. When I came to the top I met a man. He told me I'd come to the wrong place. I said, "you're wrong!" and shoved past him.

I then found Lambert and my other child in a cell and we escaped through a tunnel in the ground that led to a trash pit with giant snakes but we got out safely! Never more will I fail to fulfill my parenting duties! Now we're safe and no longer scared.