Lambert's update

Since last time I told Lambert he should include more violence in his news reports, his sales have tripled! and he made almost $2 yesterday. He was so excited he wanted to spend it all on a pair of mustache glasses so he could go undercover to do his reporting:

Here is a sample of his writing:

Extra - Woman's house blows up due to gas

Police are attempting to calm a local elderly woman as she cries in front of her now-burning house. She claims she left the gas stove on in the kitchen and when she struck a match to light a cigarette the whole thing caught on fire. However, police became suspicious after finding doobies on the ground in front of where the fire begun, and later determined that the stove runs on electricity instead of natural gas. The real truth may end up being that flatulance is involved and that the woman was merely trying to cover up a bad case of gas.

-Bert Jones